LIFE IS NOT FAIR...ITS SOO UNEASY...
WHAT IS EXPECTED OF US IF ALL WE DEAL WITH IS STRUGGLE AND STRIFE...
MY FAITH IS STRONG...BUT IS IT STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE???
HOW CAN A WORLD SOO GREAT BE SOO HORRIBLE....THE EVILS OF THIS WORLD IS TORMENTING MY SOUL AND THIS CONSTANT BATTLE HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH AND I AM WEARY...
MY BROTHER GOT SHOT IN THE NECK YESTERDAY...WELL LAST NIGHT...AND THE AMOUNT OF FLASHBACKS TO OUR CHILDHOOD, AND OTHER PEOPLES DEATH THAT I HAVE WITNESS,WENT THROUGH MY HEAD THAT I ACTUALLY FELL TO MY KNEES BECAUSE I WAS SOO WEAK AND ILL....THAT COULD HAVE BEEN THE PHONE CALL THAT IM TIRED OF GETTING..."SUCH AND SUCH DIED"
WHEN THE FUCK WILL THIS MAYHEM END??????
I THANK GOD FOR SPEARING MY BROTHERS LIFE AGAIN...EVEN THOUGH THE BULLET IS STILL IN HIS NECK AND THEY CANT TAKE IT OUT BECAUSE ITS TOO CLOSE TO HIS SPINE...IM THANKFUL...I WAS ON THE FLOOR IN MY BEDROOM CRYING MY GUTS OUT TO GOD JUST THANKING HIM SOO MUCH....IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD (WHICH HE HEARS AS WELL) I WAS QUESTIONING HIS METHODS WHICH I KNOW I SHOULDNT BUT IM HUMAN...I THANK HIM NONE THE LESS...
HEAVEN ONLY KNOWS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES IM GOING THROUGH...IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND IM ALL ALONE IN THIS BRAIN OF MINE AND IM NOT TO BE TRUSTED...
AS MUCH AS I HAVE FAITH I DOUBT MYSELF AT TIMES AND IM WAY BETTER THAN THAT...SHIT HASN'T BE GOING VERY WELL FOR ME...YET IM DETERMINED TO PUSH MYSELF BEYOND MY LIMITS OF EXPECTATIONS....
MY MUSIC IS MY LIFE AND WHEN IM DISCOVERED BY THE "LIME LIGHT" I PRAY THE RIGHT PEOPLE ARE IN MY CORNER AND I STAY TRUE TO MYSELF LIKE IVE BEEN DOING...
MY DAD WAS PUTTING A LITTLE PRESSURE ON ME SAYING THAT I AM THE ONE TO SAVE THE FAMILY AND HE TOLD ME THIS LONG AGO ALONG WITH THE STORY OF HOW HE PRAYED TO GOD FOR SOO LONG TO HAVE ME, SO WHEN HE IS OLD I WILL BE THERE FOR HIM...AND LOOK AT ME NOW SOO FRIKKIN FAR AWAY FROM HIM...GUILT IS IN MY HEART FOR LEAVING HIM BUT DEATH WOULD HAVE CREPT IN IF I WOULD HAVE STAYED...THE LIFESTYLE I WAS LIVING WAS DESTRUCTIVE...IT WAS A PATH TO THE CITY OF NOWHERE...
WELL HERE I GO AGAIN MENTALLY DISTURBED AND TRANSFORMATION IS A MUST...
~CIAO.BLESS~
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